I just dropped Lucas off for his first day of first grade at his new school (We switched him from private to public). He was so excited and didn't seem nervous at all. He of course was quiet and a little shy when meeting his teacher last night but still was looking forward to starting today. I, on the other hand was getting teary just looking at his little desk! What is it about my first child that makes me get so emotional about every new step of his life?? I will tell you what... it isn't anything about him, of course it is me. I am a worrier and unfortunately, somewhat of a catastrophist (I know that is probably not even a word, but it gets the point across). I think about all the possible things that could go wrong instead of focusing on all the wonderful things he is going to experience today. In my twisted mind, first grade is a war zone. He could have to play alone (oh wait, he loves doing that), his Toy Story backpack is so 2010 and these hip first graders are going to notice, he could be worried about who to sit by in the lunch room, the dangers lurk around every corner!
When I stop to think, I realize what my worry says to Lucas...You are not capable of navigating the extremely complicated and rigorous world of the first grade. Just the opposite is true. Obviously I try not to show my emotions and instead show my confidence in him, but I know he probably reads my anxiety. I need to lay off and allow him to experience his great ability to thrive in the world. My worry will only hinder him. He is a great kid and I don't have anything to worry about. Now, my head needs to tell the rest of me this message. In the mean time, I will avoid the urge to drive by his school during recess (that is how crazy I am) and enjoy a glass of wine with my lunch today.
Tomorrow, I take Ben to preschool and won't even bat an eye. What is it about second borns???
